things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
