Kiss
Puke
My room smells like vodka and shame
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize