Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
