Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
