Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
