They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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