I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
