Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I understand Curling. That high.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize