one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
