tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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