Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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