i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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