If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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