Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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