I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
