Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Houston, we have a blender
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize