I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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