woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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