I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
only you would photoshop your dick
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
