He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
