I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
