My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
