All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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