mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
