your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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