I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
