I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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