I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
