you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
