He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His nipple licking is glorious
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