i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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