mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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