woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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