how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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