I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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