I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
