we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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