i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
