went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
