I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
