Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
