I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize