How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
