I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
