I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize