When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
