I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
