Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
