My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize