I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
