Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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