I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
fuck your aforementioned shoe
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
