i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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