I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
