We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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