Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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