Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
