In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
