my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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