There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
