I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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