he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
