new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
