why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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