Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize