I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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