Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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