I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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