apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
even my farts smell like vagina
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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