There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
