I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
