Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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