I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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