My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
