listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
