Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize