you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
