I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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