yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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