i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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