i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
