When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
