Betty ford says i'm here all night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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