You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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