my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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