i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
