my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
