I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
