Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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