she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
