take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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