It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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