you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
