She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
