I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we should paint friendship bongs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
